I've always thought you're stronger.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Pertemuan yang tiada terduga kini kita saling bermesra
Masa berganti hati diubati mekarnya cinta mula dirasai
Semakin ingin ku cuba luahkan engkau masih tidak mengerti
Cemburu terasa musnahlah impian lihat engkau terus direbuti
Berkali ku nyatakan ku sayangkan padamu namun kau masih membisu
Kau tak mengerti ingin kau ku miliki
Kau menghancuri hati ini
Ku cuba nyatakan rasa cintaku
Hati masih terus keliru
Andai kau fahami isi hatiku yang benar ingin memilikimu
Usah bandingkan sejarah lama
Kau tahu ku benar setia
Seribu untuk bercinta lagi takut dirimu disakiti
Berkali ku nyatakan ku sayangkan padamu namun kau masih membisu
Kau tak mengerti ingin kau ku miliki
Kau menghancuri hati ini
___________________________________
And so, I was blog-hopping (despite the busy packing and unpacking) and found this lyrics in someone's blog. It was once my favourite song but I never fathom the meaning behind it. Initially I thought the song was too tacky. I thought it was too jiwang like a very typical malay song but now when things are seriously getting shaky, I realised how meaningful this song is to us.
I took a moment reflecting back on everything since June 2008 as I listened to the song once more. Yknow, I've been selfish all this while. I only think about myself and my feelings that I never once think about his. I hated his history. I hated everything about him, initially. But I kept everything deep down cause I thought I did want to hurt him. Somehow I got hurt the most and soon I'd start fighting and arguing with him every single day without miss. That's how terribly bad and shaky our relationship has been.
I realised I've been thinking too much and fantasizing his history that we began to drift apart. I've started being rude to him, curse him upside down and anything that you can think of. I bet other girls would want to stay by him. I mean, seriously, how bad can his history be?
But anyways, everyone has their own nightmares and mistakes. He didn't expect such mistakes to occur, did he? It's somehow fated, you see. So right now, I'm picking myself up. Not only am I going to pick myself up, I'm going to amend our relationship and change my attitude towards him too. We're starting everything back slow and steady. But somehow the history seems to be rolling back altogether. To you-know-who-you-are, please stop meddling into our affairs and leave us alone. We just want to be ourselves.
Strange yet interesting, I'm beginning to miss my Darling once again. And guess what? I'm holding on to his shirt and the smell of him makes me droooooooooooool.
Okay back to packing and unpacking, peepos!
yours truly,
syra.
3:08 PM
